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Stories Keep People Stuck: How Heavy is Your Load? |
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Written by Webmaster
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Tuesday, 17 February 2009 |
By Melani Ward
 Here's an old Zen story one of my teachers shared with me.
One day there were 2 monks traveling from their home to a temple. They were walking down a really muddy road and there was a heavy rain falling, making the road difficult to pass. As they are walking they round the corner and they meet a beautiful girl dressed in a gorgeous, bright kimono and sash. She's looking at the muddy road and she can't cross the intersection. So, the first monk says, "C'mon" and he opens his arms, picks her up, and carries her across the mud. The second monk didn't speak another word until later that night when they reached the temple and then he just had to let it out. He said, "Hey, you know we monks don't go near females. It's dangerous and wrong. Why did you do that?" The first monk said, "I left the girl there. Are you still carrying her?"
This story reminds us of what we're still carrying around, the stories we won't let go of and the grudges and
grievances that weigh down our lives and drain us of energy.
Part of my work involves holding the space for people to get past their stories so they can experience more freedom and joy in their lives. But let's face it, it's hard to let go of stories. We get "used" to telling them and they become part of us.
For many people stories are a way to stay safe, to place responsibility in a neat little package and to help us explain our thoughts, feelings and actions.
I don't pretend that by saying a few catch phrases like "everything is as it should be" and "you get to choose how you react to the things that happen in your life" that you will finally see the light and your life will turn around; but, if we begin to become aware of how these stories impact our energy and our spirit, you are likely to come to those realizations on your own.
There are 2 kinds of stories we carry around. The first story has to do with others and the role they have played in our lives. The second involves the stories about ourselves, primarily those where we have placed blame on ourselves for certain actions, thoughts, and choices we've made. Today I am going to focus on the second.
Whether we hold grudges and grievances against others or ourselves, the result is still the same - drained energy, shame, guilt, stagnation and disappointment.
To carry a grievance against yourself is to be in a permanent state of "against". You are unwittingly acting against yourself. You have a strong negative emotion tied to something you did, thought or said in the past and you keep it alive by replaying the story in your head over and over. But, the negativity does not stay contained in that one story. The negative emotional energy wrapped up in that story can and usually does distort your perception of the present. One very strong grievance is enough to contaminate your entire life.
For example, one of the most negative stories I tell has to do with being a mother. I have this idea in my head about what it means to be a good mother. What good mothers do, how they treat their kids, how they provide for them and the opportunities they expose them to. When I fail to live up to this story I feel like a failure in every way. I carry this duty and this responsibility so deep in my heart that it impacts every corner of my life and every decision I make. Intellectually I know this doesn't serve me. But this is not something the mind can figure out. It's bigger than that. It requires an awareness of the story, an awareness that the story serves no purpose and an awareness, most importantly, that I CREATED the story. I created the judgment. I am telling a story about my daughter without her consent or knowledge and when I fail to live up to it, I make the judgment.
So, to release a grievance or a story you are telling about yourself it only requires two things: 1) You have to become aware of the grievance both as a thought as well as an emotion, meaning you are aware of the thoughts that keep it alive (remember you are not the thinker) as well as how your body responds to the emotion. 2) See that the story serves no purpose and that the grievance is simply a manifestation of your past, which no longer exists.
You don't have to try to forget it or even get caught in the misconception that you have to forgive yourself because, once you become aware of it, you will be free of it. When we bring things into our awareness and we know on an intellectual, spiritual and emotional level that they serve no purpose in our lives except to keep our ego in place and keep us safe, then the story will fall away instantaneously. It's really that simple.
I encourage you to think about the stories or grievances that are holding you back, impacting your decisions and draining your energy.
Maybe you're telling stories about regrets you have in relationships or "mistakes" you have made in the past and you are still carrying them around like today's groceries.
Maybe you've been telling them for so long they've become as comfortable as an old shoe. Whatever the case, know that they are just that - stories - and if they aren't serving you, let them go. Free up your energy and use it to create life rather than take life away.
Find out what storyteller you are dragging around with you at http://www.changingyourstoryblog.com. Melani Ward is a passionate entrepreneur: numerologist, online marketing strategist, lifestyle coach, writer, yogi and runner! She helps women entrepreneurs attract more ideal clients and make a lot more money doing work they LOVE.
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Last Updated ( Tuesday, 17 February 2009 )
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