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About Jealousy in Relationships and Dating |
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Written by Webmaster
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Monday, 23 February 2009 |
By Alison Sardelli
 Many people experience forms of jealousy throughout their life. It can begin at a young age with siblings and parents, competition at school and after moving its' way through friends and other important figures finally finds the place where it often does the most damage: romance. Jealousy is a particularly tricky aspect of relationships because it is often said that a small amount can be healthy, while too much is destructive.
To understand why people feel jealous it is important to know what these feelings often stem from. Insecurity and low self-esteem are often culprits and certainly a bad experience or past trauma can be an excellent source. Though often obvious this emotion is capable of coming out in ways that are subtle and difficult to pinpoint at times which can be extremely frustrating for all involved.
Some of the most common outward displays of jealousy may not immediately make others, or the person experiencing these emotions aware that it is in fact the true problem:
* Anger: A secondary emotion and probably the one most commonly linked with
jealousy, anger is a nasty side effect of this emotion and can do great damage to a relationship.
* Irritability: This feeling's cause can be difficult to identify, but can easily be caused by jealousy.
* Irrational Behavior: Often felt and acted upon in situations where a person is feeling jealous but cannot remove themselves from the source or may be seeking a way to strike at the source. This can also manifest as a coping mechanism when one is near the source causing the feelings of jealousy.
* Sadness: Another secondary emotion that when caused by jealousy is usually felt when one feels at a loss for a solution to the original problem. Often accompanies a feeling of defeat or loss for the object of jealousy.
* Unreasonable: If one is having great deal difficulty in identifying their jealousy or getting it under control they may speak or act in ways that are contrary to their normal behavior.
If the person who is experiencing jealous feelings is capable of escaping those feelings when not in the presence of anything that may remind them some relief may be experienced. Understanding that many things can be linked to those feelings of jealousy is also very important as any reminder can cause a great deal of frustration:
* People: The most obvious place to begin looking is when certain uncomfortable feelings arise when in the presence of a particular person, or anything that reminds you of that person. If the feelings of jealousy are strong enough, even introducing that person's name into the conversation can cause them to feel uneasy.
* Places: Negative emotions that arise when near, or in a specific place that remind you of something, or someone that you are jealous of can be overwhelming. If the place in question is one where something took place that caused you to feel unhappy these feeling may arise, even when you love places that have been tainted your adoration may not be able to overcome your negative feelings.
* Objects: An object that is symbolic of something that hurt you may cause you to feel jealous and unhappy because it reminds you of something that causes you pain. If the memory attached to the object is particularly strong the association can last for years.
* Music: Because music invokes such powerful emotions from the majority of the population it can be a painful reminder of jealous feelings. Any piece of music that one may associate with someone or something that causes them to feel jealousy may be very difficult to listen to.
* Images: From paintings to films the images that remind one of their jealous feelings can cause many of the secondary emotions to rise up such as anger or sadness.
It is important to identify the original event(s) that may have led to a later feeling of jealousy when reminded of them. Pinpointing the specific reasons for these emotions may help one work through such emotions and eliminate any need to feel jealousy, though this may take some time and possible the aid of a professional therapist if the emotions are too strong. Beginning with some basic questions about how you feel about your jealousy may be an excellent place to start; some of the following questions may help you to explore the causes of your feelings:
* When did you first feel jealous and of who/what?
* What did this feeling make you think of? Anything in your past?
* Are there other people/objects/places that seem to cause the same kinds of feelings?
* Why do you think that you are experiencing these feelings?
* Who or what do you feel angry with?
* When you feel this jealousy, how do you want to act on it?
* Do you feel that your reactions are unreasonable when you're calm again?
* Do you feel out of control when you become jealous?
* Have you stopped normal behavior, going places you would normally or doing things that you love to do in order to avoid these feelings?
Conquering jealousy can be very difficult depending upon the source and intensity of the feeling. Be assured that though a little jealousy can be endearing, too much is often a great way to destroy a relationship. In many cases the real problem with jealousy in relationships has a lot to do with trust; if a person is unable to trust their partner they may find that they are frequently suspicious of their partner's actions. Only you and the person you love can draw conclusions about what level of jealousy is acceptable and what may be hurting your relationship, or either of you personally. Remember that treating your partner as though they aren't deserving of your trust, when they have taken no action to cause it, will often lead to a breakup.
One excellent rule to follow if one is feeling particularly jealous in a romantic relationship is to keep in mind that without trust between you and your partner your relationship has a good chance of ending, so either find a way to trust or figure out why it is that you are unable to.
In the end the green eyed monster often gets the best of most people from time to time; try to minimize the frustration caused by jealousy and you will be likely to enjoy a far greater relationship with any friend, relative or lover in your life.
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Last Updated ( Monday, 23 February 2009 )
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